Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
