I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
