4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
