I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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