And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
