And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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