Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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