How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
