mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
