If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
