White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
