how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
