you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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