i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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