I'm going to jail i love you
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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