You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
