So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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