he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
