I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
