alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
