I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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