I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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