I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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