i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
