Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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