trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
