2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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