I heard we made out
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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