I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just pee around me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
