I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
