Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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