You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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