Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
