i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
