totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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