Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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