There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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