I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
