I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing