She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
