check it out our google latitudes are spooning
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
