Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
