My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
