that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
