Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
