Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
