And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
