No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
