Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
