Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
