happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I looked at my own cervix.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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