i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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