She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
