i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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