i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
