You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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