I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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