i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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