Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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