Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
