i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
